Musings of a certain freak at 3 am

I want everyone around me to be insane live how they want to not how they have to. People should stop blaming society saying that the society is imposing restrictions on their limits because by adhering to the laws of society.. You are becoming it.

How much easier all our problems would be if we transcended from the societal boundaries and be a person who doesn’t give a damn and is dancing to the song called life. Everything such as speaking loudly in public without noticing the eyeballs rotating towards you. Ask out the person you always wanted. Go to places you’ve never been before. Hit your old friends up and catch up. Be a little more open to life and closed to being closed and restrained. However we are all putting on amusing shows of feigning strength and confidence as we walk the streets ignoring the people we only imagine our conversation if one of us made a move.

And if you are open to being wild and living vicariously, being too talkative or being very happy that is considered queer . What you should do is have a stuff facial expression and think about what others would think and how would others behave in a situation where you are put and would they approve of your actions. These others wouldn’t give a care in the world is you tripped and died the next day but everyday we wake up with the Moto to please them. Because this is what most people do and we should to do that we aren’t shunned from the society. Different people have a different reality from ours they dare to think big but they are wrong. Know why? Because if something is agreed upon by the majority you are only making a fool of yourself by trying to be different.

If you’re living for social acceptance of the society… Their rejection would kill you. It’s called life because it is to be lived not to kill yourself slowly everyday before your natural death.

Who cares if you don’t put makeup, if you are plus sized have no friends suck at everything no one’s here to stick by you through all that. People come mock and go. Consider this situation logically everyone fears what others are thinking of them then there are none left to judge so if no one really cares then why should you care about whether people care because they don’t care to begin with. There are some self proclaimed so called saints who feel judging others would empower their self esteem well guess what. It’s honestly sad how the judgers are trying this hard to feel strong.

Next time when you step out remember that it’s the last moment before your final breath and would you really care if your heels go with your dress . Do whatever you want there’s nothing holding you back. Don’t you dare stifle that laughter after everyone has stopped laughing and you still feel like giggling . Don’t feel afraid to strike up a conversation with a person just because you fear rejection. It’s your choices to explore not the fear inside you.


The struggles of going to the doctor’s

Suspenseful much . Well not really it isn’t one of lives greatest tragedies like Meghan markle not being there in the next season of suits as Rachael but pretty much at the same level going to the doctors . It’s not just about treating you . There’s like a list of repetitive social protocol faced by everyone . Dont confuse doctors of hospitals with the school clinic doctors . I personally can’t wait to exploit my acting skills and lack of interest in boring subjects to bunk my way to the infirmary . The word infirmary sounds so grave however all they have is a gooey liquid they rub at the troubles part . It’s like that the solution to everything . Headache goo on ur head heart attack rubbing that goo on your chest brain haemorrhage goo on head again . I mean it’s all fun to pretend you have headache to skip class but what is seriously strange about it is when you claim to have headache *even if you don’t* you need to apply this nd then you get a serious head ache . It’s like a perfectly nice normal day nd bayum you take some medicine nd it decides to be rebellious much like you towards your school . How strange is this world . Yes back to topic going to the white coated psychopaths…

1) the horror that awaits as soon as the nurse arrives and she’s about to call a name . It’s u susally in the waiting area where there is a thick tension in the air nd the air is filled with sweat from people’s anxiety . Everybody is silently examining each other and trying to figure out what’s wrong with the other .

2) then I dunno if I’m the only one but it’s like i reach early and then everyone who comes after me gets there before me . Why am i never the cutting person why do i have to deal with so much sh*t in my life . And then the biggest lie of all times “the doctor will be with you in a minute”

3) after the so called minute when I enter all my sense get extremely heightened I am so aware of everything . I can literally sense a nurse in the other room taking out a scissor and imagining she is going to cut me open . And then doctor asks me what’s wrong nd I just look at my mom expecting her to cut in and give the details .

4) after that follows a series of awkward question about your bowels and how active you are . And even if you have a cut the doctor will shove a wooden stick thing up your throat and move that stethoscope over your chest . I detest this part because I’m always convinced that I’m being molested

5) if you go to the dentists often then you’d know this struggle . Those people honetsly have no social skills but become so darn social and friendly when there is a nail drilling hole in your mouth .And well being the miss goody 2 shoes that I am i have to reply nd try my best to form coherent words with so many rods in my mouth it’s like being crucified and still caring about not ignoring the doctor . Honestly I am the Jesus of the modern world . Where’s my trophy

6) leaving the room in despair remembering those times when you used to get candies while leaving but no . Now you are too grown up for a candy . Seriously  that’s FREAKING ageist . Smirking at those people who are still waiting and staring at you while you leave. Muaha die



The face of schools today

It’s that time of the year when u feel like you are being haunted . If you have strict parents then you won’t even think of Halloween but directly exams . I have my preboards in like 5 days and all I’ve accomplished is stage 1 freaking out . Also stage 2 the part where u divide the no. Of chapters by the days remaining to prepare and calculate ur Destiny .

I kind of always hated exams do one should reason that they test your memory than testing your intelligence . I have very less interest in the school system and think the whole system is a sham . Belonging to a slightly underdeveloped counrty so here instead of teaching us how we are only taught what . The only good thing I have learnt in school is how to adapt and observe to the school systems . How to be more expressive , taking problems in my hand and wanting to do something different here . Most importantly being diplomatic and shrewd with people and matters

The weird thing is that everything has changed over time – the computers used to be massive but inefficient but now they are the converse , the trains , gadgets , games from the snake in the Nokia phone which grows at the rate of 1sec to dungeons and dragons . Everything except the schooling system (nd let’s face it d iPhones) .we are still forced to adjust to the archaic systems of learning how are we expected to enhance . Ever wondered why so many inventions used to happens a long time back all the geniuses like einteins nd Newtons only belonged 2 those days . Now the school’s are suppressing those hidden geniuses .Like the famous saying goes if u can’t mug things up and score full then you are full of shit.

The school wants its name to grow not its students . If they really cared they would spend more in the labs and teachers and study material instead of the decorative hangings on the annual day and sports day .

The basic knowledge that every human must be taught is humanity . Other before us . But no it’s a rat race and to succeed we have to discard our last shreds of humanity to win this race . When was the last time your school inspired you to help another person,  to have that fire in you to lift the evils of the society , to make you feel that you can do it . No . We are taught how we should always greet our teachers good morning and that’s all the moral values we get in our school and how being smart is the way to go ahead . Ever thought to take others with you because if you are on the top all by yourself it gets lonely real quick . It’s not the destination that counts but the journey .

I am just another student sick of school and want it to change and there are many unheard others like me

Crap did 2017 just get over

Hey readers *completely non-existent wutsoevr* !!!

So 2018 is going to start and anxiety just kicks in reminding me how time just flew past me and the worst part of this new year is when I look back all the days seem the same the order just seems to repeat

Get up after 50 snoozes

argue with myself whether 20 mins of bath is worth spending so much time on

sleep for another 20 mins

argue with myself over the actual need of a breakfast

I realise there are only 5 minutes left before my school gates close so I wake up drenched in sweat

load up on caffeine to control my inner sass nd deal with stupid people

teleport to school just in time to remember I forgot my id card nd run 5 rounds of the ground with interspersed moments of me trynna befriend the seniors to cut me some slack . 

socialize socialize and some more of it till my coffee supply runs low leaving me running out of effs to give . Let’s b honest no1goes to skool to study and honestly I am one of the smart geeky people sooo … school is useless apart from the few amazing people who just fit my inner jigsaw 

wattpad and tv shows time after which I exercise my muscles off . There are two kinds of days 1)6000 calories 2)complete starvation and exercise 

bitch about people with my chic 

sleep after reevaluating my entire life nd deep thoughts flooding in along with flashbacks of the day interspersed with how my expectations of my crush would be in my wiiilldd imagination 

So this year like all the previous ones would be a time to reconsider all my decisions and become an amazing and the perfect kid every parent would want .. for probably a week. . But this time is gonn b diff *snort*

So this year is a time to be realistic so I decided to do only a few things like be a better person and help people more (I kinda started teaching poor kids this year) … also I would work very hard and become more focused and decide what I want to do . I am torn between two choices lawyer and engineer . I hate the sound ofmy prev sentence cuz it sounds so cliche but I am hella bent on it … my dream college has always been Harvard Law or MIT

one of the fave resolutions which I am planning to stick to is … taking a jar and noting everything good that happens to you throughout the year in chips inside the jar then at the end of the year rewarding yourself with that jar and finding happiness from moments rather than gifts on New year’s … so much for being broke and unable to go shopping at this time of year .. 


~ Liberty that anonymity offers ~

Give me a mask to conceal my true self

and watch my truest self rise underneath it.


I have an intense urge to strive for perfection    ;

but my unmasked self needs too many corrections     .


So give me a mask so no one would know who I am     ;

I would not be forced to be the happy go lucky I supposedly am.


I would be the person I always killed to be without the mask on     ;

now with the mask I can dance freely wothout giving a rat’s ass about anyone’s opinions.


I can scream my heart out with this new anonymity  ;

how much I would long for this unknown identity.


This is the perfection my unmasked vulnerable me wants     ;

not pleasing  everyone and fitting in with the size zero flaunts .


Oh how i wish I could start over and live vicariously with joy     ;

those jolly old days when we were kids would laugh our hearts out without trying to be coy.




My first blog

Hey this is insides of a life of a crxzy freak who is a high schooler . Reasons why I am doing this
  1. i heard some people talk about blogs though i dont know squat what they are
  2. the bliss of saying – i blog
  3. i need to get my frustartion out and i talk a lot but sometimes people happen to be the cause of my frustartion sooo.. a girls gotta rant right ?? yea no i hate diaries cuz 4 sum reason i get the feeling they are too feminine and emotional 4 the emotionless bitch i am
  4. there are times that i get way too many deep thoughts becuase i dont sleep at night so my head is clouded with great theories hitting me .. what if there was nothing and i was in the middle of nothingness .. would everything look black .. but black still is something and why does black have to be there why not white … what if we were characters of a very highly simulated game controlled by extra terrestrial species and none of us really “had a life” just a bunch of programmes and game addicted alien freaks …. or what if we were lab rats of some outer space stuff and trapped in a 4d universe to see our responses and behavior and we were the robots they are trying to improve by making us live here (which is why after death when we are ready to serve them we are transported to them)


  1. okay sorrywent off topic but … in addition to the oddities I also figure out real life problems by typing them as i cantthink straight when my head is left unsupervised by my brain .. make sense ??

    bye and i hope even if you do decide to read my blogs dont be disappointed . have a motive of being disappointed which would make sure that i will never let anyone down